One Year On.

With my hands planted at the top of my yoga mat, a genuine 90-degree angle at my wrist and elbow, I marveled at how normal I felt this morning balancing in Crow Pose. This normalcy evoked a deep sense of gratitude that I could not only make this shape but that I could hold it without grit or strain. I hovered there thinking, wow, the body is an amazing machine and one that can heal in the most remarkable ways.

One year ago today, I was struck by a car while riding my bike. What followed—the surgery, physical therapy, baby steps back into my active lifestyle, and eventually greater challenges to my rebuild strength (like a very humbling Rocket Yoga teacher training)—was tough stuff but helped me learn tools I now use on a regular basis to heal other areas of my life beyond just the physical.

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Looped up on narcotics in the days leading up to surgery. I can never thank my dear friend Caroline and her family enough for coming to my rescue that night and weekend. Love you!

Life has this funny way of throwing a whole lot of challenge your way all at once, doesn’t it? We’ve all been there. What’s so wonderful about these low points is that when we crumble we’re left with all these pieces of different size, weight and shape and we have to consciously figure out how we want to put them back together. We get this rare chance to build ourselves up better than before.

As Nikki Giovanni recently said on one of my favorite NPR podcasts, On Being with Krista Tippett, “ sometimes you must take the ingredients you’re given and make the best thing you can make.”

It wasn’t all roses. So many times over the last year I’ve felt angry, scared and frustrated at physical limitations and emotional land mines stemming from the accident and personal trials during the initial recovery period. When I learned to accept those emotions as part of the basket of ingredients I was given, the whole process got a whole lot easier. Let go, or be taken. Feeling broken and broken down brought me to this place where for the first time in my life it felt okay to lose control. Like I was allowed to be a bit of a hot mess for a while. To cry when I felt pain or hurt. To let others help me even when I wanted to do it all myself. To let little chores and tasks slide that would’ve normally irked me until they were complete. It was freeing.

It made things so simple. I knew that all I could do was tend to the ingredients I was given. I could not control the outcome of surgery. I could not make myself heal. I could not will my way to any ideal recovery. I could, however, take care of myself during the process, body and mind, and make for the best.

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My attempt to embrace the ingredients I was given. Work with what you’ve got!

 

This is tough for a goal-oriented person, as so many of us are. When we can relax our attachment to results, we open to the process and it becomes far less scary. Fear is a powerful thing so sometimes it helps to be forced to face your fears. For me that meant, getting back on my bike the day I was cleared; allowing myself to have a full-on, ugly cry break-down on a dirt road in upstate New York when skidding on a downhill pass brought me right back to that moment of impact; and acknowledging that my physical strength was not the only strength I possessed. What I lost in physical strength, I gained in inner fortitude.

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Today, I will take my bike, Bruiser, on a joy ride to celebrate our  journey together this past year. There has been so much change, so much challenge but all my sassy little bike and I can do is keep rolling and tending to the ingredients we’re given to make our world a safer, kinder, more compassionate place for ourselves and for others to live and love.

 

Be Still to Be Strong: Awakening the Body from Within

As I lay there on my back, sweat drying on the back of my neck, gently cradled by the give of my mat, five simple words washed over me, triggering a moment of ineffable release…

“Awaken yourself from within first.”


I’m no stranger to a few tears in savasana. Moving muscles, honing mental focus, and getting lost in the rise and fall of breath have an uncanny ability to remove blockages, both physical and emotional. From time to time this release opens the flood gates, others it simply lets drips seep out one by one. Today was more of the latter for me, but my goodness did it feel good to crack.

No one ever told me I had to be strong while healing from my accident, but I resolved to stay positive, look at the glass half full, and find the proverbial silver lining. I’m not saying it was wrong to push myself in this way, but it was at times exhausting. I knew at some visceral level that if I let myself crumble emotionally while my body was broken against its will, I might slip down a darker path than if I steeled myself in certain ways. Fear of falling kept me from facing the true trauma of my experience. Part of me knew I would have to face the more emotional impact of the accident once my body started to mend, but it still surprised me when it began to surface.

For the past few weeks I’ve been tiptoeing back into my yoga practice: I’ve used more props than ever before (see below); I’ve gotten creative with hand placement and foot positions to allow for better balance; I’ve come to child’s pose when others have come into handstand; and I’ve even worked up the courage to leave my splint at home despite the fear that others won’t know I’m still healing and think I’m just being lazy (hello, ego!).

Every week that goes by I am physically stronger, but at times more mentally and emotionally frustrated. An agitation shakes and stirs inside me fueled by impatience and expectation. Why am I not yet back to where I was before? When will this pose or that pose be within reach? Where did my stamina go? While all the answers to these questions are clear to my most rational self, in the moment these questions gnaw and nag at my inner fabric.

Here’s the thing—that inner struggle is the exact reason why I love yoga so much, so much that I became a teacher. Yoga illuminates the limits, boundaries, and blockages we all wrestle with. It sheds light on them and allows you the time and space to truly see, acknowledge, and slowly and steadily ease through them. It’s not an fast process, and you cannot rush it. The more you force yourself towards resolution or change, the harder it becomes to achieve.

When that single tear found its way through the crack in the walls I’d thrown up, rolled its way down into the well of my ear, and drew a smile across my face I knew my struggle with this trauma had begun in earnest. My gratitude for this beginning is unbounded. I know that as I start to reconnect with my inner self, awakening from within first, I will have the unique and rare opportunity to reignite my spark with yoga. I get to rediscover the magic of connecting breath to movement. I get to realize anew that stillness creates inner and outer strength. And I get to watch as my body invites me back in, little by little as it becomes ready.


As I lay there on my back, in tranquility and stillness, only then could I notice that when you are still there are no boundaries and no limits to what is possible, only potential.

Sports Injuries: How to Treat the Mind and Body

For athletes and fitness seekers, sports injuries are par for the course. The fact that they’re commonplace if not somewhat inevitable does not make them any easier to cope with. The best way to address sports injuries is to avoid them in the first place by properly warming up before exercise, cooling down and stretching afterwards, and most importantly, listening to your body when it’s telling you to pull off the throttle. Unfortunately, most of us don’t learn (and apply) this good sense until we’ve experienced a sports injury that sidelines us long enough to feel beyond frustrated to the point of resolve—I’m going to treat my body better from this point onward.

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So, what do you do when you find yourself injured? Do you go with tried and true techniques like RICE (Rest, Ice, Compression, and Elevation)? Or more high-tech therapy methods like ultrasound? And what about the all too often neglected mental aspect of recovering from sports injuries? The answer: all of the above.

The Tried and True: RICE

Most athletes are familiar with the term RICE. RICE is a crucial first step in post-injury triage. Rest, ice, compression and elevation are particularly important in the first 24-48 hours following sports injuries. Rest means exactly what it sounds like—significantly pulling back on your normal activity levels immediately following an injury and continue to moderate for a period of time after that agreed upon by you and your doctor. Step one of this tried and true method is often the hardest part for active individuals and can have the most challenging psychological effects—less endorphins means lower energy and more frustration. While difficult, stepping on the brakes then modifying for days, weeks or hopefully not week, is absolutely essential to proper, lasting recovery.

Ice, compression and elevation are all about reducing inflammation localized at the site of damage, not only providing comfort but also speeding your body’s healing time. All three are important immediately after injury but can also be used as you starting gearing back up and exercising again. If you’ve never given compression tape a try, next time you’re heading out to train wrap your injured area snuggly (without cutting off your circulation) and see how you feel. You might be surprised what a little targeted pressure and passive support can do.

Scientific Therapy

So you’ve gotten through the first two days post-incident using RICE, but you’re still in pain. Now what? Time to see a doctor, or if your healthcare doesn’t require a primary care physician’s reference, maybe go straight to a trusted physical therapist (PT). Whether seeing a doctor or PT, a medical professional will help determine your action plan for getting back in the game.  Quite often they can also provide a timeline for when you can expect to start feeling “normal” again, which is most people’s top concern when it comes to sports injuries.

A doctor or PT will likely suggest a multi-faceted course of action including light stretching, modified exercises (both assisted and unassisted), and possibly some more high-tech options like ultrasound therapy. Ultrasound therapy may help accelerate the healing and repair process of soft tissues (think hamstrings, gluteal muscles, lower back, etc). Ultrasound, a.k.a. sound waves of a high frequency, causes tissues to vibrate, which ultimately produces heat within ligaments, tendons, scar tissue and fibrous joint capsules. This heat is thought to reduce inflammation by attracting protective mast cells and increasing blood flow to the site of injury. It may also increase collagen production, an essential process for tissue repair because it is the primary protein component in soft tissues. Though studies are mixed, ultrasound is a worthwhile therapeutic option to explore with your physical therapist as a part of your overall strategy for pain reduction and the healing process for sports injuries.

The Mind-Body Connection

It is no secret that athletes (and all humans) have ego. It can be really hard to admit to yourself, let alone others, that sports injuries range from frustrating to utterly devastating. Apart from the diminished endorphins experienced in the wake of injury, the affected individual may grapple with something akin to the Kübler-Ross model, more commonly referred to as the “five stages of grief.” You may laugh but sports injuries have serious psychological impacts and you’re wise to give them the attention they deserve or they will undoubtedly hinder your path to recovery.

This series of five emotional stages starts with denial and leads to anger, bargaining and depression before reaching the ultimate stage of acceptance. When it comes to sports injuries, not everyone will experience every stage in this model. Denial usually sounds something like, “I’ll be back at it in no time” or “it’s probably nothing. I’ll just ice it and be good to go tomorrow.” Nobody wants to deal with the realization that they might be out of commission for an unknown stretch of time, thus we often move into the anger phase. Anger may rise up and fall away pretty quickly, but a majority of the time it rears its feisty head in one way or another—hopefully you surround yourself with compassionate and empathic people when you go on the woe-is-me war path. Once the anger subsides, the “if onlys” arrive—a.k.a. bargaining. If only I had pulled back when I felt that first tweak of pain; if only I hadn’t run those extra 5 miles; If only, well, you get the idea. We all do it, but those questions get you nowhere other than mad at yourself and exhausted by all that mental circling. Perhaps it is that fatigue that makes way for depression. When depression settles in post-injury, it is a weight that can be hard to shake. It’s important to surround yourself with good friends, good doctors, and a good outlook at this stage in the process in order to move into the world of acceptance ASAP. Acceptance should be called forward motion. It’s all about putting one foot in front of the other and taking concrete, positive steps toward healing your body and spirit.

Some of us get from stage one to stage five in a matter of days. For others it may take longer. The quickest way to get from denial to acceptance and avoid dwelling in the trenches of the less productive emotions is to learn about your injuries and ask questions. The better you understand your injury, the recovery time, the reasoning behind your treatment plan, alternative exercises you can safely do, the big no-nos, and how to know if you’ve gotten worse in some way, the easier it will be to move forward. By understanding your injury and knowing what to expect during the recovery process you will experience much less anxiety and feel a sense of control over the outcome.

Finally, don’t underestimate the power of positive thinking. If your self-talk is self-defeating you’re going to get in your own way. A positive outlook is arguably the most important factor influencing your path to recovery. Healing can’t happen if you don’t listen to what your body and mind need and attend to those needs compassionately and with conviction. Remember, the body is an amazing machine. You will be amazed at how quickly it remembers how strong, fast and enduring it was prior to your injury.

View the STACK Media version of my article here.